I have found pure joy in writing. I have found it to be a great way of expressing my feelings and to help others. It’s a way I can show you how real my life is, and that it’s not much different than yours.... besides the fact that I talk to dead people.
I am about to get more personal than ever, because you know, people like to hear the juicy details that hide behind the curtains.... well welcome to MY behind the scenes.
My husband and I began having deep struggles. He has his flaws and I had mine. We began driving each other crazy and pushing each other apart. Anger filled our hearts and our relationship became unstable. His flaws pissed me off most of the time and I became controlling, trying to focus all my energy on fixing his flaws all while ignoring my own. And eventually I just told him to leave and move out. Which I instantly regretted the moment he signed for a new apartment, but it was much needed.
During this time we became more distant and the tension got worse. I became angry and bitter towards him and he towards me.
This is when he reached out to you. After I pushed him away and he just wanted to feel needed. And you were desperately there for him getting a false sense of love through nostalgic desperation from your past, toxic relationship with him. This is not love and I want you to know that I truly pity you, because I’m sure your heart broke when I decided our marriage was worth keeping and he came back the moment I said I wanted to work things out.
Not even 24 hours after we decided that we would be working out our issues, you desperately called me to brag that you had been with him. Sending me pictures, videos, detailed texts and you were extremely shocked every single time I told you I didn’t care. You desperately kept asking me if I hated him, or if I still wanted him back. For what reason? To hurt me? To see if you still had a chance?
I’ll admit, those aren’t easy things to hear but you didn’t know that I had my own skeletons that were already discussed. We both went and did our own thing after I filed for an annulment. That’s OUR business. And it has all been for the better.
We both discovered many things about ourselves and are working to bring out the best version of ourselves and continuing a strong and respectful relationship with each other. A lot of self discovery on both ends was done during this break.
When you called me, I never once felt angry. You see, because of my gift... I had already known. My spirits had beat you to the punch and told me. So although I wanted to be wrong, I was prepared and I was willing to forgive. In fact, I have found power in forgiveness. Letting shit go has never felt so good. I am happy. Truly happy. We are a team and we always will be. I chose to be a loving and happy wife. Forgiving myself for what I had done and forgiving him for what he had done. Forgiveness IS powerful.
I’m not even mad at you for trying to wreck our marriage, because he’s my soulmate, that kind of love can never be torn apart. I hope one day you can find that kind of love, but until then go love yourself and find Jesus. Your path is right in front of you if you open your heart up to it. You are in control of your own happiness. Stop depending on the nostalgia from my husband. It’s not healthy for you. I promise, once you value yourself your life will become much more enjoyable.
I have released the past, and forgave. Anger holds no place in my heart. Because I know that God would not want me to be angry, therefore I have no reason to be angry. Shit happens. Move on and enjoy the beauty that life has to offer.
Sending you my thoughts, prayers & pitty.